Monday, 10 October 2011

When resentment rides high and desperation takes hold...

Honestly. I'm over a year away from this freaking thing and I want it to be over. I want to have a week where I just don't think anything "wedding" related.

I can't sleep, I can't eat, I'm an emotional wreck at the moment.

It all started off OK though. Sister and I went to a fantastic wedding show at the weekend, the Designer Vintage Bridal show, held in Edgbaston.

It was a fantastic day. Great freebies, great stands and I even bought (OK, my sister bought me something) from the fantastic Tallulah's Trinkets.

I even tried on a dress or two!

The thing is I can't do anything without crying at the moment.

Sister made me cry after comparing me to a "heifer" in a slightly meringuey dress.

I cried when I found out my dad has lied to my brother and sister about how much help I actually got at university.

I cried because I'm so mean to Gareth sometimes.

The cracks and issues in my family that I've turned a blind eye to are starting to get more and more apparent and traumatic and I'm wondering how long it's going to be before it really kicks off.

Any words of advice?

Thursday, 6 October 2011

Stress: I don't want it, I don't need it, making it go away...

I'll be honest. Today has been a pretty pants day.

Nothing specific and nothing wedding related but it's made me realise how much planning a wedding can be an escapism for many in the day-to-day way of things.

Without getting into too much detail I would really like nothing more than to go home and plan wedding stuff. Even the boring stuff. Even the money side of stuff. It's been that bad a day.

So, I've come up with my top five ways of relieving stress. Whether it be wedding related stress or general, I feel like punching a puppy I'm so peeved, stress. (Nb. I would NEVER EVER EVER punch a puppy!)

1) Get absolutley rat arsed

Didn't I mention this was MY way of destressing? No..? You thought it would be all lavender and scented candles? Oops. No I would say, when stressed get a large bottle of vino. Open. Pour. Neck back. Repeat until merrily drunk. Even if you cry you'll be so distracted by the hangover and puffy eyes the next day you'll be more worried about that.

2) Smash stuff!

I'm one of these people that doesn't smash things unless I am super angry. I am always thinking about the consequences. But when I break stuff, I break stuff GOOD. Last example when G was away in Italy on a work trip I became super duper annoyed with our vaccuum and how cheap and nasty it was, how much I wanted a Dyson etc etc. Threw the whole thing down the stairs. It broke. He returned. We bought a Dyson. Hoorah!

3) YouTube cute/funny/sadistic stuff

No bad mood I have ever had has ever lasted through the "Hug Every Cat" song on YouTube, no temper has been so foul it has not been cured by typing the magic words "treadmill" and "funny", no heart has remained like ice after looking up "World's Cutest Monkey". The Internet is a powerful weapon in the throes of stress elimination.

4) Buy something frivilous

For you it may be a pair of shoes, a piece of jewelery, a DVD boxset. Me? Well it depends. I go through weird fads every pay day. Sometimes it's Lush stuff, next month it's MAC cosmetics. This month it is faux fur lined hoodies and wedding magazines. Sure you may feel guilty for a while but guilt is better than stress. It's easier to cure guilt over buying something frivolous.

5) The boring one.... sort it out. Head on.

Sadly, like many problems, they will continue to be problems unless you sort them out. This could be calling your boss and having a frank conversation with them about feeling overworked and stressed. It could be taking a step back to reassess what is important in your life, but one thing is for certain, like most horrible manky stuff if you don't sort it out it will linger and fester. Just imagine your life without that stress and think about what the worst that could happen would be. Stress is a real illness and it can lead to high blood pressure amongst other things. Nothing in life is THAT important....

and if that doesn't work

Tuesday, 4 October 2011

"I will be thin! I will be thin! I will be thin!"

Like all other things bridal and girly I've never been over the top about my looks.

I'm not a bad looking girl. I have a good-ish figure if a little on the heavy side nowadays but a spot of make up and I "scrub up well" to quote G.

So after we first got engaged and after realising that I'd put more weight on than I realised I decided to go on my first ever diet in January this year.

Rather than count calories and be a complete bore (Celery is 12 calories... ) I thought I'd join a local group and try it that way. So I toddled along to my local Slimming World club run by a lovely lady called Fiona.

And, for a while, I was really successful shedding nearly two stone in about four months. My ideal weight was another 2 stone off but then things started to wane a bit. We entered the house buying process and ended up distracted and with late nights and eating take aways I bowed out of my little group thinking "I'll be fine!" on my own.

Since then I also gave up smoking. My 12 year, 20/40 a day habit that was a pain to break. Putting weight on was inevitable and shock horror last night I weighed myself to see I'd put about half the weight back on (eep!)

Now, in my defence I have carried on many of the habits that I learnt and I believe this has prevented me from putting all the weight back on. I no longer drink full fat fizzy drinks, I only eat fat free yoghurt, I drink a helluva lot of green tea, if we go to a fast food restaurant I know what I can and can't have etc.

It's just the planning that lets me down. The long day at work, come home and I can't be bothered to come up with anything so it's kebab, pizza, whatever is in the fridge again.

So with a heavy heart and dreams of getting my waistline back I am rejoining Slimming World on Thursday.

I'm a little bit nervous but I'm quite keen, particularly after quitting smoking as well. Quitting smoking was something I never thought in a million years I'd be able to do but I did.

These little changes I've all thought at the time I'm doing it for my health, long term etc etc etc and I've come to realise this morning that all of them are about the photos.

Yes, I know... shallow as that may seem but losing weight to look like a filmstar in my dress, quitting smoking is mainly so I can have dental implants... it's all because I want to look amazing in the pictures.

Maybe I'm more girly girl than I thought?