Saturday, 20 August 2011

You have to love them ALL the time... even when they are grumpy..

This weekend has brought with it the double-edged sword of Gareth's employment. The dreaded night-shift.

He gets to earn lots of pennies
I get the WHOLE bed to myself
I get to watch all the TV he doesn't like (BINTM, SATC and various other acronym loving shows)
We can guarantee that he isn't working during the days so we can have fun and frolics

He wakes me up coming in at 8am and invariably I cannot get back to sleep
I can't do anything I want to do during the day because of
He's a grumpy miserable bugger
He moans he's on night shift blah blah blah feel guilty do what he wants

I don't REALLY mind as such but at the moment I have a million things I want to get done. I want to go to get some weed killer for the garden, dust, go shopping for food (total Mother Hubbard situation in the kitchen), I want to watch True Blood (The accents are giving him a headache...)

It makes me realise that in some way my life isn't really my own anymore.

This is particularly poignant with my recent quest to revive my writing career. There are so many things that could hold me back, lack of contacts, money, needing somewhere to stay if I were to try and do an internship in London but the biggest thing that holds me back is my relationship and our house.

Now, don't get me wrong I would not give EITHER up for anything. I love my fiance and I love our house but it does make me have to turn down a lot of offers and chances.

Potentially there could be an argument on the horizon over money between us. If it gets to that point. I doubt it will as competition is fierce but I think it'll certainly put us to the test.

So, until that point I will mollycoddle him, make him copious amounts of tea and sacrifice not doing what I want on my weekend because he's really, really tired.

Eeeh, this sounds like a right old miserable entry but I have to point out that despite all this I know WHY he's doing it. He's doing it for us. He's doing it for our future and as grumpy as he is I really, really, really appreciate him for it.


Thursday, 18 August 2011

It's all a question of balance...

Life is all about balance. You balance your money, you balance your relationships, you balance work and play, you balance everything.

Balance at the moment is something I'm finding could be a problem in the months to come.

I have a very busy life. I don't have millions of friends, I don't have loads of extra activities I do but day to day living, even without having any kids or anything, I don't have enough hours in the day.

At the moment I have a full time job which I really enjoy but I find incredibly stressful and soul-destroying at times, I have a fiance who I love to pieces but does tend to need caring for and entertaining, I have a dream to ressurect a once promising, and now ailing, writing/journalism career, I have a new house which I'm slowly but surely trying to get just right... and that's even before I start to organise a wedding.

So my question to you is this, how do you prioritise things in your life when they are all as important as each other?

Take my home for example. My home is my castle (ok, slight bastardisation on a saying there but it works for this context). I want it to be somewhere I can come home, kick back and relax. It's almost there but the teeny weeny little things that make it home are either a) going to cost me money or b) take time to do. When do I do all this? At the weekend?

Then there's my ailing writing career. It was once my only goal in life to be a journalist or reporter. Everything else meant nothing to me, to the point I never thought I'd meet anybody or even get married. I thought I'd move back to London get a job and be editor of my own magazine within three years. Life hasn't worked out like that but things recently have made me realise I shouldn't ever give up on that dream. In fact someone showed me the last few days that an opportunity can come along when you least expect it...

My job, well, as I mentioned I love it but it's stressful, it's time consuming and, lastly, it's moving. I currently have about an hour's commute in the morning but the majority of that is sat at the train station waiting for my connecting train drinking a latte and tweeting. It's about 10 miles from my house and close to the station. Next year we're moving offices two counties away and turning my hour and a half commute into a three an half hour commute. This could either be super beneficial (Time on the train to write, to plan etc) or super soul-detroying (My fiance works shifts including every other weekend so less time with him, it's WAY more expensive and will make my weekly commute almost 20 hours.

So how do you prioritise things? Where can I trim stuff out of my life to make things more simple? Maybe, I should listen to my words here and go and do something to make my day a little less busy....

Tuesday, 16 August 2011

The Odd Couple

So G and I have been living in our house for over a month now. He was away working for a couple of weeks just after we moved in so it's only about now that we are starting to "settle in".

G and I have lived together pretty much solidly since we got together. About three months into our relationship, I was living with my dad at the time, he came and stayed for a month. Then when my dad decided to move in with his girlfriend I went to live (rent free, Oh I miss that!) with his dad.

G is a real homebody and has never lived away from home before and when we lived with his dad he was super house proud.
Me, I'd lived away from home and am utterly renown for leaving stuff everywhere. I'm usually super messy and super cluttered. If it can be done tomorrow I'll do it the day after kind of thing.

Wow, that's certainly different now.

He's been off work the last couple of days and whilst he was away I got myself into a real routine. Every morning I'll open all the curtains, put away the washing up that had been left to dry over night, maybe even put a laundry load on, change the bed on Saturday.

I came home yesterday to find all the curtains shut, he's sat in his pants and he turned around and asked me what we were having for dinner tonight.


Luckily he put his clothes on and opened the curtains and we ordered Chinese. However it begs the question of how much of his "house proudness" was actually just his dad cleaning up after him.

I think the moment my doubts started was after we moved in he decided to do some washing. He put his clothes in, set the washing machine and as he hung them out started moaning about how they smelt damp and mouldy.

We had only just moved in and I asked him had he checked to see if the washing machine needed cleaning and if he had used fabric softener...he then asked me what fabric softener was!

Don't get me wrong I never expected him to be a super clean neat freak (I doubt I'd love him as much if he was) but I imagine it'll be like training a puppy. A long lengthy process and he might pee on the carpet a couple of times.

So, wish me luck... not only am I the Anti-Bride but now I'm the Anti-Housewife as well.... I'll keep you posted on any new tricks he learns...

Friday, 12 August 2011

In the words of Paul McCartney.. Live and let dye?

As you can probably imagine for someone who has never been to fussed about weddings and being a bride, I'm quite low maintenance. An off-shoot of that is (or at least I like to think so!) that I am not vain in the slightest.

Don't get me wrong I love getting glamed up for a night out, I have a Mac make up collection to rival any make up artist and I have my obligatory GHDs. But on a daily basis my routine involves rolling out of bed about 10/15 minutes before I leave the house. Wash, brush my teeth, pick out clean clothes and leave... I don't even brush my hair until I get to work... sometimes I don't even brush it actually (*guilty face*).

However I am genetically predisposed to something, something that has been slowly creeping its way into my hairline since the age of 16.

My mum, god bless her soul, had high cheekbones, gorgeous skin, youthful looks and a fast metabolism, the majority of which I inherited. The one legacy I also inherited (along with my sister) is the grey gene.

Yes, I've slowly been going grey since I was 16.

It's not hugely bad, I don't have to dye my hair JUST yet and it's mostly concentrated layers down around my temples but it leaves me with a big issue.

To dye or not to dye, that is the question? I have always avoided dying my beautiful brown hair since I was younger, it's got shades of blonde and red and in the sun it goes all twinkly. However I'm not certain it will be the same in 12 months time or whenever we decide to get married.

The colour seems to be slowly seeping out, it's getting duller and flatter, harder to style (when I do bother) and generally being a bit meh.

Now why don't I just dye it you say? Well, apart from what I mentioned before I dont' want to get in the cycle my sister is in.

She's being dying her hair since she was about 21 (I'm 25) and she either ends up with horrifically ginger hair when she home dyes, ends up looking like Pepe La Peu when she can't get time to go to the salon (think white stripe down the middle of your head) or she ends up having to pay £100s each year just to look "normal". It's been like this for about 23 years.

So, for now, I will stay away from the dye. Pull out the rascally white hairs if they rise to the surface and try my best to reverse the effects of ageing. I think maybe three months beforehand I will have to revist this before I make my choice.

Thursday, 11 August 2011

"Erm... you know you said you'd marry me...?"

So, as I mentioned in my first post, my fiance and I decided to wait until we were settled in our new house before we would start making plans.

My fiance is *THE* greatest. I have never met anybody who can make me laugh as much as him. I don't even mind that on our first date we both got really drunk, he puked up half a bottle of Sailor Jerry's I fed him on my carpet and then ended up sleeping on my dad's couch, in fact it totally endeared me to him.

The thing is he's what you'd call a "simple man" (No I don't mean he's thick!) with simple needs.

In true random G style, all the wedding is to him is that bit of paper that says we're married. He's not religious and isn't really bothered about what "God" were to think, he's not too fussed about making a show about our love because he's quite private about that and he doesn't drink as much as he used to so the stag nights not even that important.

He's basically said we'll "do it on the cheap" and not "take any money from your dad". Now normally I'd be inclined to agree with this but over the last 12 months my eye has started to be drawn to frilly things. Four Weddings is now a MUST SEE programme instead of Newsnight.. and Don't Tell The Bride... well, that gives me nightmares now.

So last night I decided to bring up the subject of "Can we start organising now?" It seems SO stupid that I would feel embarrassed and shy to talk about something that he's already agreed to... but I did and he said that it's fine.

Unfortunatley he's given me the following points:

Try not to spend over £500 (Erm, the average UK wedding now costs around £25,000!) though I believe this may be a joke,
Preferably get the buffet food from Iceland,
Can't be in the summer because he'll get all sweaty,
Possibility of him wearing a Buzz Lightyear Suit for the ceremony,
He won't be doing any speeches...

He then went on to reaffirm the point that this was "my day" and he was just there to awkwardly do his non-smile (honestly it's ruined friends wedding snaps) and make sure he can carry me home at the end of it (due to excessive amounts of champagne I'd imagine?)

But the thing is it's not just "my day". I am a bit of an attention seeker I admit but at the same time when the spotlight is on me I then flee like fat kid from a Weight Watchers meeting.

I think it's going to have to be a case of easing him into it. Making it seem like he's making decisions and then listening to him thoroughly when he does object to something. I haven't necessarily ever been particularly interested in weddings but my way of thinking is that I'm only going to do this once so I might as well make the most of it.

So, I've been told I can start planning with no budget really set, no indiccation of dates I can do or anything... this should be easy..

Wednesday, 10 August 2011

The Anti-Bride Chronicles

In the beginning there was a proposal...
We're talking a beach, at night, just me, him.... a few teenagers eating Happy Meals in the dark total romance.

My heart fluttered, I swooned, I was the happiest girl on earth and then the realisation sank in....

I had to be a bride.

I had to spend 12 months of my life going slowly crazy over wedding invites, lacey things, a dress I'd only ever wear once and possibly turn into a nagging creature my boyfriend (now fiance) would end up regretting.

Oh pants...

We were lucky though. Down on our luck and saving for a house the decision was taken by my beau and I that until we had purchased the house of our dreams (which in this economic climate seemed unlikely) we would put the actual nuptials on the back burner for now.

That was September 2010.

It's now August 2011 and I am sat here writing this at our dining room table, snug and settled into our new house.

So it begins, I've been given the go ahead to start organising and I'm terrified.

I have never been a girly girl, I've never dreamed of my white wedding dress or the perfect man with the perfect wedding, with the perfect cake. As a matter of fact I've openly mocked these women.

So join me on my journey from the initial preparations (ie. preventing my husband to be from getting any facial tattoos) to the tiny details (The Anti-Bride Visits the Scarily Expensive Cosmetic Dentist). It won't be long before the big day...Argh!