Honestly. I'm over a year away from this freaking thing and I want it to be over. I want to have a week where I just don't think anything "wedding" related.
I can't sleep, I can't eat, I'm an emotional wreck at the moment.
It all started off OK though. Sister and I went to a fantastic wedding show at the weekend, the Designer Vintage Bridal show, held in Edgbaston.
It was a fantastic day. Great freebies, great stands and I even bought (OK, my sister bought me something) from the fantastic Tallulah's Trinkets.
I even tried on a dress or two!
The thing is I can't do anything without crying at the moment.
Sister made me cry after comparing me to a "heifer" in a slightly meringuey dress.
I cried when I found out my dad has lied to my brother and sister about how much help I actually got at university.
I cried because I'm so mean to Gareth sometimes.
The cracks and issues in my family that I've turned a blind eye to are starting to get more and more apparent and traumatic and I'm wondering how long it's going to be before it really kicks off.
Any words of advice?
Monday 10 October 2011
Thursday 6 October 2011
Stress: I don't want it, I don't need it, making it go away...
I'll be honest. Today has been a pretty pants day.
Nothing specific and nothing wedding related but it's made me realise how much planning a wedding can be an escapism for many in the day-to-day way of things.
Without getting into too much detail I would really like nothing more than to go home and plan wedding stuff. Even the boring stuff. Even the money side of stuff. It's been that bad a day.
So, I've come up with my top five ways of relieving stress. Whether it be wedding related stress or general, I feel like punching a puppy I'm so peeved, stress. (Nb. I would NEVER EVER EVER punch a puppy!)
1) Get absolutley rat arsed
Didn't I mention this was MY way of destressing? No..? You thought it would be all lavender and scented candles? Oops. No I would say, when stressed get a large bottle of vino. Open. Pour. Neck back. Repeat until merrily drunk. Even if you cry you'll be so distracted by the hangover and puffy eyes the next day you'll be more worried about that.
2) Smash stuff!
I'm one of these people that doesn't smash things unless I am super angry. I am always thinking about the consequences. But when I break stuff, I break stuff GOOD. Last example when G was away in Italy on a work trip I became super duper annoyed with our vaccuum and how cheap and nasty it was, how much I wanted a Dyson etc etc. Threw the whole thing down the stairs. It broke. He returned. We bought a Dyson. Hoorah!
3) YouTube cute/funny/sadistic stuff
No bad mood I have ever had has ever lasted through the "Hug Every Cat" song on YouTube, no temper has been so foul it has not been cured by typing the magic words "treadmill" and "funny", no heart has remained like ice after looking up "World's Cutest Monkey". The Internet is a powerful weapon in the throes of stress elimination.
4) Buy something frivilous
For you it may be a pair of shoes, a piece of jewelery, a DVD boxset. Me? Well it depends. I go through weird fads every pay day. Sometimes it's Lush stuff, next month it's MAC cosmetics. This month it is faux fur lined hoodies and wedding magazines. Sure you may feel guilty for a while but guilt is better than stress. It's easier to cure guilt over buying something frivolous.
5) The boring one.... sort it out. Head on.
Sadly, like many problems, they will continue to be problems unless you sort them out. This could be calling your boss and having a frank conversation with them about feeling overworked and stressed. It could be taking a step back to reassess what is important in your life, but one thing is for certain, like most horrible manky stuff if you don't sort it out it will linger and fester. Just imagine your life without that stress and think about what the worst that could happen would be. Stress is a real illness and it can lead to high blood pressure amongst other things. Nothing in life is THAT important....
and if that doesn't work
CUTE
Nothing specific and nothing wedding related but it's made me realise how much planning a wedding can be an escapism for many in the day-to-day way of things.
Without getting into too much detail I would really like nothing more than to go home and plan wedding stuff. Even the boring stuff. Even the money side of stuff. It's been that bad a day.
So, I've come up with my top five ways of relieving stress. Whether it be wedding related stress or general, I feel like punching a puppy I'm so peeved, stress. (Nb. I would NEVER EVER EVER punch a puppy!)
1) Get absolutley rat arsed
Didn't I mention this was MY way of destressing? No..? You thought it would be all lavender and scented candles? Oops. No I would say, when stressed get a large bottle of vino. Open. Pour. Neck back. Repeat until merrily drunk. Even if you cry you'll be so distracted by the hangover and puffy eyes the next day you'll be more worried about that.
2) Smash stuff!
I'm one of these people that doesn't smash things unless I am super angry. I am always thinking about the consequences. But when I break stuff, I break stuff GOOD. Last example when G was away in Italy on a work trip I became super duper annoyed with our vaccuum and how cheap and nasty it was, how much I wanted a Dyson etc etc. Threw the whole thing down the stairs. It broke. He returned. We bought a Dyson. Hoorah!
3) YouTube cute/funny/sadistic stuff
No bad mood I have ever had has ever lasted through the "Hug Every Cat" song on YouTube, no temper has been so foul it has not been cured by typing the magic words "treadmill" and "funny", no heart has remained like ice after looking up "World's Cutest Monkey". The Internet is a powerful weapon in the throes of stress elimination.
4) Buy something frivilous
For you it may be a pair of shoes, a piece of jewelery, a DVD boxset. Me? Well it depends. I go through weird fads every pay day. Sometimes it's Lush stuff, next month it's MAC cosmetics. This month it is faux fur lined hoodies and wedding magazines. Sure you may feel guilty for a while but guilt is better than stress. It's easier to cure guilt over buying something frivolous.
5) The boring one.... sort it out. Head on.
Sadly, like many problems, they will continue to be problems unless you sort them out. This could be calling your boss and having a frank conversation with them about feeling overworked and stressed. It could be taking a step back to reassess what is important in your life, but one thing is for certain, like most horrible manky stuff if you don't sort it out it will linger and fester. Just imagine your life without that stress and think about what the worst that could happen would be. Stress is a real illness and it can lead to high blood pressure amongst other things. Nothing in life is THAT important....
and if that doesn't work
CUTE
Tuesday 4 October 2011
"I will be thin! I will be thin! I will be thin!"
Like all other things bridal and girly I've never been over the top about my looks.
I'm not a bad looking girl. I have a good-ish figure if a little on the heavy side nowadays but a spot of make up and I "scrub up well" to quote G.
So after we first got engaged and after realising that I'd put more weight on than I realised I decided to go on my first ever diet in January this year.
Rather than count calories and be a complete bore (Celery is 12 calories... ) I thought I'd join a local group and try it that way. So I toddled along to my local Slimming World club run by a lovely lady called Fiona.
And, for a while, I was really successful shedding nearly two stone in about four months. My ideal weight was another 2 stone off but then things started to wane a bit. We entered the house buying process and ended up distracted and with late nights and eating take aways I bowed out of my little group thinking "I'll be fine!" on my own.
Since then I also gave up smoking. My 12 year, 20/40 a day habit that was a pain to break. Putting weight on was inevitable and shock horror last night I weighed myself to see I'd put about half the weight back on (eep!)
Now, in my defence I have carried on many of the habits that I learnt and I believe this has prevented me from putting all the weight back on. I no longer drink full fat fizzy drinks, I only eat fat free yoghurt, I drink a helluva lot of green tea, if we go to a fast food restaurant I know what I can and can't have etc.
It's just the planning that lets me down. The long day at work, come home and I can't be bothered to come up with anything so it's kebab, pizza, whatever is in the fridge again.
So with a heavy heart and dreams of getting my waistline back I am rejoining Slimming World on Thursday.
I'm a little bit nervous but I'm quite keen, particularly after quitting smoking as well. Quitting smoking was something I never thought in a million years I'd be able to do but I did.
These little changes I've all thought at the time I'm doing it for my health, long term etc etc etc and I've come to realise this morning that all of them are about the photos.
Yes, I know... shallow as that may seem but losing weight to look like a filmstar in my dress, quitting smoking is mainly so I can have dental implants... it's all because I want to look amazing in the pictures.
Maybe I'm more girly girl than I thought?
I'm not a bad looking girl. I have a good-ish figure if a little on the heavy side nowadays but a spot of make up and I "scrub up well" to quote G.
So after we first got engaged and after realising that I'd put more weight on than I realised I decided to go on my first ever diet in January this year.
Rather than count calories and be a complete bore (Celery is 12 calories... ) I thought I'd join a local group and try it that way. So I toddled along to my local Slimming World club run by a lovely lady called Fiona.
And, for a while, I was really successful shedding nearly two stone in about four months. My ideal weight was another 2 stone off but then things started to wane a bit. We entered the house buying process and ended up distracted and with late nights and eating take aways I bowed out of my little group thinking "I'll be fine!" on my own.
Since then I also gave up smoking. My 12 year, 20/40 a day habit that was a pain to break. Putting weight on was inevitable and shock horror last night I weighed myself to see I'd put about half the weight back on (eep!)
Now, in my defence I have carried on many of the habits that I learnt and I believe this has prevented me from putting all the weight back on. I no longer drink full fat fizzy drinks, I only eat fat free yoghurt, I drink a helluva lot of green tea, if we go to a fast food restaurant I know what I can and can't have etc.
It's just the planning that lets me down. The long day at work, come home and I can't be bothered to come up with anything so it's kebab, pizza, whatever is in the fridge again.
So with a heavy heart and dreams of getting my waistline back I am rejoining Slimming World on Thursday.
I'm a little bit nervous but I'm quite keen, particularly after quitting smoking as well. Quitting smoking was something I never thought in a million years I'd be able to do but I did.
These little changes I've all thought at the time I'm doing it for my health, long term etc etc etc and I've come to realise this morning that all of them are about the photos.
Yes, I know... shallow as that may seem but losing weight to look like a filmstar in my dress, quitting smoking is mainly so I can have dental implants... it's all because I want to look amazing in the pictures.
Maybe I'm more girly girl than I thought?
Friday 30 September 2011
The crazy is setting in...
I know I haven't posted in ages.. things have started to pick up a bit of speed and I seem to have come down with a case of sickness....
Wedding Fever.
ME, the freaking anti-bride is getting gooey, schmultzy, and over the top about the stupides things.
I can totally understand where the whole Bride-zilla thing comes from. You totally get stuck in the moment.
I'm already struggling with budget... £3k will cover the reception venue, catering, drink and everything. Photography is costing quite a lot (I wanted a specific photographer), £250 for the actual wedding... I haven't even started on dresses etc.
I'm trying my hardest to step back and be a bit less crazy but they really do suck you in. I keep dreaming about table plans, dresses and guestlists....
If this is what I'm like now then christ, what am I going to be like in a years time. EEEP!
Wedding Fever.
ME, the freaking anti-bride is getting gooey, schmultzy, and over the top about the stupides things.
I can totally understand where the whole Bride-zilla thing comes from. You totally get stuck in the moment.
I'm already struggling with budget... £3k will cover the reception venue, catering, drink and everything. Photography is costing quite a lot (I wanted a specific photographer), £250 for the actual wedding... I haven't even started on dresses etc.
I'm trying my hardest to step back and be a bit less crazy but they really do suck you in. I keep dreaming about table plans, dresses and guestlists....
If this is what I'm like now then christ, what am I going to be like in a years time. EEEP!
Wednesday 14 September 2011
But it's MY day!!!!
Ok. So hot on the heels of my last post I've just had my first ever bridal breakdown.
I'm talking floods of tears, snot pouring, tantrum throwing breakdown... in my work office at lunchtime.
Yeah, good look.
Basically... and to be diplomatic as possible... my MIL to be is a lovely lady... but she INTERFERES TO HELL.
When we bought our house she kitted out our entire house, she lent me money to pay off a debt (which I am paying her back) and did all of this without any of our input.
House moved into, stuff in and we thought phew that's it.
I just got a call from her to say that she had been for a tour around the two places that we would like to get married. No indication she was going to do this. She got brochures, saw the reception areas, looked at photos and got prices.
I was fuming but could only nod, smile and thank her for inconveniencing herself to help us. So I called my fiance who, unsurprisingly, was just as angry if not more (He and his mum don't have the best relationship) and ended up calling her and having a bit of a pop.
It's a bit hard because I want to keep everybody happy and, normally, this would be the part that my mother would have stuck her oar in and stuck up for me without me saying anything to make people feel bad.
But my mum isn't here and I don't really have anybody that can do that for me other than G.
So apparently she was quite upset and stated that she hadn't given any of our details away etc etc and now I feel like shit.
The girls in the office, G and my sister have all told me not to be so silly. Better now than a year down the line but why can't I help but feel like shit. I HATE to upset people and often I may come across as two faced but it's literally because I just don't want to upset people. Call me chicken shit but I hate confrontation and I'd rather bottle it up sometimes.
So now I have a fiance who has shouted at his mum, a MIL to be that feels embarrassed and hurt (and apparently even cried a little bit) and now I feel like I can't face, my sister is bouncing off the walls furious that people are "interfering" when I know full and well she will as well, a completely apathetic father who's opinion is he'll just sign the cheques and turn up...
and I haven't even looked, let alone picked, a venue yet.
Oh dearrr...
I'm talking floods of tears, snot pouring, tantrum throwing breakdown... in my work office at lunchtime.
Yeah, good look.
Basically... and to be diplomatic as possible... my MIL to be is a lovely lady... but she INTERFERES TO HELL.
When we bought our house she kitted out our entire house, she lent me money to pay off a debt (which I am paying her back) and did all of this without any of our input.
House moved into, stuff in and we thought phew that's it.
I just got a call from her to say that she had been for a tour around the two places that we would like to get married. No indication she was going to do this. She got brochures, saw the reception areas, looked at photos and got prices.
I was fuming but could only nod, smile and thank her for inconveniencing herself to help us. So I called my fiance who, unsurprisingly, was just as angry if not more (He and his mum don't have the best relationship) and ended up calling her and having a bit of a pop.
It's a bit hard because I want to keep everybody happy and, normally, this would be the part that my mother would have stuck her oar in and stuck up for me without me saying anything to make people feel bad.
But my mum isn't here and I don't really have anybody that can do that for me other than G.
So apparently she was quite upset and stated that she hadn't given any of our details away etc etc and now I feel like shit.
The girls in the office, G and my sister have all told me not to be so silly. Better now than a year down the line but why can't I help but feel like shit. I HATE to upset people and often I may come across as two faced but it's literally because I just don't want to upset people. Call me chicken shit but I hate confrontation and I'd rather bottle it up sometimes.
So now I have a fiance who has shouted at his mum, a MIL to be that feels embarrassed and hurt (and apparently even cried a little bit) and now I feel like I can't face, my sister is bouncing off the walls furious that people are "interfering" when I know full and well she will as well, a completely apathetic father who's opinion is he'll just sign the cheques and turn up...
and I haven't even looked, let alone picked, a venue yet.
Oh dearrr...
Well that's a surprise...
We've actually started looking at things! Yay!
We've got a meeting with a potential photographer tonight. After scouring the Internet and speaking to people (and seeing a lot of terrible photographs) I've finally found one up to my high standards and we're meeting them tonight for a chat and to talk shop.
One of the things I've sat down and really thought about is the lasting things from the day itself. I've come to three conclusions of what is "important" and has longevity.
1) Photographs - My sister got married back in 1989. She had a Harrods antique silk and lace dress, she had the most gorgeous headress made from young white roses, her hair and make up were perfect. She and her groom (now my brother-in-law 22 years later...) decided to pick a photographer based on price rather than gut instinct. To this day she still regrets her choice of photographer. Personally I can't see anything wrong with her photos but she moans and complains about them quite regularly. In addition photographs will probably last longer than we will and they will be passed down through the family.
2) Wedding Rings - My engagement ring wasn't expensive. It's not diamond and it's not huge. It's got a gorgeous sapphire in it that G and I picked out together the day after we got engaged when on holiday in Rhodes. I picked it specifically because the blue of the sapphire was light and reminded me of the beach where he proposed and his blue eyes. Wedding bands do not mean a lot but they are a constant reminder of your connection to someone. Again, these will be passed down through the family.
3) The Marriage - No wedding is worth the stress and hassle that destroys a relationship. Watching countless programmes recently on Don't Tell The Bride, Four Weddings, Bridezillas etc it seems to me that so many women get OBSESSED over the minute details of their big day. The whole reason that I started this blog is that is not the person who I am... but I can see how it can get like that. Along the way I'll just have to remember that it is JUST A DAY. Yes, it's an important day. However it is JUST A DAY.
In other news I went to a festival this weekend with my best friend and came back to find my fiance hadn't realised that the oven was switched off at the wall so had been eating cold and frozen food thinking the oven was broken. And had spent a shedload of money on a vintage Vespa I didn't even know he wanted....
Needless to say he's not being left alone again for a while...
We've got a meeting with a potential photographer tonight. After scouring the Internet and speaking to people (and seeing a lot of terrible photographs) I've finally found one up to my high standards and we're meeting them tonight for a chat and to talk shop.
One of the things I've sat down and really thought about is the lasting things from the day itself. I've come to three conclusions of what is "important" and has longevity.
1) Photographs - My sister got married back in 1989. She had a Harrods antique silk and lace dress, she had the most gorgeous headress made from young white roses, her hair and make up were perfect. She and her groom (now my brother-in-law 22 years later...) decided to pick a photographer based on price rather than gut instinct. To this day she still regrets her choice of photographer. Personally I can't see anything wrong with her photos but she moans and complains about them quite regularly. In addition photographs will probably last longer than we will and they will be passed down through the family.
2) Wedding Rings - My engagement ring wasn't expensive. It's not diamond and it's not huge. It's got a gorgeous sapphire in it that G and I picked out together the day after we got engaged when on holiday in Rhodes. I picked it specifically because the blue of the sapphire was light and reminded me of the beach where he proposed and his blue eyes. Wedding bands do not mean a lot but they are a constant reminder of your connection to someone. Again, these will be passed down through the family.
3) The Marriage - No wedding is worth the stress and hassle that destroys a relationship. Watching countless programmes recently on Don't Tell The Bride, Four Weddings, Bridezillas etc it seems to me that so many women get OBSESSED over the minute details of their big day. The whole reason that I started this blog is that is not the person who I am... but I can see how it can get like that. Along the way I'll just have to remember that it is JUST A DAY. Yes, it's an important day. However it is JUST A DAY.
In other news I went to a festival this weekend with my best friend and came back to find my fiance hadn't realised that the oven was switched off at the wall so had been eating cold and frozen food thinking the oven was broken. And had spent a shedload of money on a vintage Vespa I didn't even know he wanted....
Needless to say he's not being left alone again for a while...
Tuesday 6 September 2011
And what exact point do you start to define"being a grown up"....
Growing up. It's hard, it involves pains, hell, it even involves buying a new wardrobe and the guaranteed "I'm a goth/emo/dead Egyptian/other person who wears giant black eyeliner on a daily basis" phase.
But at what point exactly do we become a "grown up"?
People have been speaking to me recently and remarking on how "grown up" I am... look at you, you bought a house! Grown up! Look at you, you are getting married! Grown up! Look at you, you ate all your vegetables! Grown up!
So why do I still have the urge to throw a hissy fit, lock myself in my room and do nothing but watch True Blood, read Cosmo and listen to The Cure on repeat until the CD wears out.
I turned 26 the other week. I'm in that weird limbo stage of being young still but now having the weight of the world on my shoulders. One minute I'm panicking about whether or not my colour eye shadow is "on-trend" (OK I lie.. I don't worry about this at all, but you catch my drift.) and then swing to "Oh Christ! I haven't started a pension yet!"
People will gladly sell me knives, cigarettes and naughty DVDs should I wish and when small children bump into me their parent says "Say sorry to the lady..." at which point I get all huffy and think "They bumped into me!" before realising I am that "lady".
Maybe people go through their entire life waiting to be caught out. As if the whole world is merrily ignoring the fact they are actually a child in a convincing suit and haven't realised that they aren't capable of tying their own shoelaces let alone dealing with a multi-million pound accounts/world politics/other people's purchasing decisions on washing powder.
So, until anybody finds out that I'd rather be at the kids table playing with my crayons I guess I better keep pretending that I am one of these adult things. Keeps me off the streets at least...
Friday 2 September 2011
Your name's not down, you're not coming in...
The guestlist and the drama that comes with it is one of the things I've really been dreading about organising our wedding.
People are polite but when other people aren't having a good time, I don't have a good time.
I'm that hostess that runs around, not enjoying the party herself, refilling drinks, changing the music to the whims of my guests some of whom I probably don't even like but are just jolly well impressed that they turned up.
This makes constructing our guest list a bit of a nightmare.
Take my dad for example. I love my dad, I want him there to give me away and do all the "daddy" type things. My mum died a few years ago and since then he's met a lady who I wouldn't necessarily pick for him and who I wouldn't say I'm overly keen on. But I'm always polite and there is no way I wouldn't invite her....
it's her daughters I have an issue with.
Her two daughters are... horrific to say the least. I won't get into petty name calling or relaying any of the abuse that they hurl at my dad. But needless to say I won't be inviting them, G has said under no circumstances am I to invite them, I'm happy with that but is my dad going to suffer because of it?
I can see the argument now
Dad's GF - "Your daughter hasn't invited X & Y!"
Dad - Oh! I'm sure it's an oversight let me check...*texts me*
Me (via text) - NO WAY! I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM
Dad - "They are trying to keep it quite small etc so that's why. Even G's first primary school teacher hasn't got an invite."
Dad's GF - "HUMPH! Well, considering they will be step-sisters one day I find that very rude AND you're paying towards that wedding so you should know exactly who is coming... your daughters are so selfish/spoilt/demonic. *Continue barrage of abuse until my dad wanders down the pub*
That is just ONE of the myriad of issues that we will have. There is the awkwardness between G's dad, mum and her new partner (I say "new" they've been together 14 years!) and how they can't be in the same room together...
There's the three best friends from my hometown who I grew up, have done eeverything with together who all HATE each others guts because someone slept with someone's brother...
Then we have my Godmother who my dad briefly had a "thing" with after my mum died who my dad's girlfriend has banned him from seeing. I'm the first to admit, like a child, I threw a spanner along with my sister in the works of that relationship (With VERY good reason) but she's MY godmother and I want to invite her..
Then there is the whole issue of "Who gets to sit at the top table?" Does my sister take the place of Mother-of-the-Bride? Does my dad's girlfriend go there? Can I just cut it out entirely... what is the ettiquette for general family disorder?
I think, like any great piece of literature, the guestlist will be written, rewritten, written again, screwed up and used to light some sort of fire and then randomly chosen out of a hat...
If I can get through the entire wedding without a single fist-fight... I will consider it a roaring success...
People are polite but when other people aren't having a good time, I don't have a good time.
I'm that hostess that runs around, not enjoying the party herself, refilling drinks, changing the music to the whims of my guests some of whom I probably don't even like but are just jolly well impressed that they turned up.
This makes constructing our guest list a bit of a nightmare.
Take my dad for example. I love my dad, I want him there to give me away and do all the "daddy" type things. My mum died a few years ago and since then he's met a lady who I wouldn't necessarily pick for him and who I wouldn't say I'm overly keen on. But I'm always polite and there is no way I wouldn't invite her....
it's her daughters I have an issue with.
Her two daughters are... horrific to say the least. I won't get into petty name calling or relaying any of the abuse that they hurl at my dad. But needless to say I won't be inviting them, G has said under no circumstances am I to invite them, I'm happy with that but is my dad going to suffer because of it?
I can see the argument now
Dad's GF - "Your daughter hasn't invited X & Y!"
Dad - Oh! I'm sure it's an oversight let me check...*texts me*
Me (via text) - NO WAY! I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM
Dad - "They are trying to keep it quite small etc so that's why. Even G's first primary school teacher hasn't got an invite."
Dad's GF - "HUMPH! Well, considering they will be step-sisters one day I find that very rude AND you're paying towards that wedding so you should know exactly who is coming... your daughters are so selfish/spoilt/demonic. *Continue barrage of abuse until my dad wanders down the pub*
That is just ONE of the myriad of issues that we will have. There is the awkwardness between G's dad, mum and her new partner (I say "new" they've been together 14 years!) and how they can't be in the same room together...
There's the three best friends from my hometown who I grew up, have done eeverything with together who all HATE each others guts because someone slept with someone's brother...
Then we have my Godmother who my dad briefly had a "thing" with after my mum died who my dad's girlfriend has banned him from seeing. I'm the first to admit, like a child, I threw a spanner along with my sister in the works of that relationship (With VERY good reason) but she's MY godmother and I want to invite her..
Then there is the whole issue of "Who gets to sit at the top table?" Does my sister take the place of Mother-of-the-Bride? Does my dad's girlfriend go there? Can I just cut it out entirely... what is the ettiquette for general family disorder?
I think, like any great piece of literature, the guestlist will be written, rewritten, written again, screwed up and used to light some sort of fire and then randomly chosen out of a hat...
If I can get through the entire wedding without a single fist-fight... I will consider it a roaring success...
Saturday 20 August 2011
You have to love them ALL the time... even when they are grumpy..
This weekend has brought with it the double-edged sword of Gareth's employment. The dreaded night-shift.
Pros
He gets to earn lots of pennies
I get the WHOLE bed to myself
I get to watch all the TV he doesn't like (BINTM, SATC and various other acronym loving shows)
We can guarantee that he isn't working during the days so we can have fun and frolics
Cons
He wakes me up coming in at 8am and invariably I cannot get back to sleep
I can't do anything I want to do during the day because of
He's a grumpy miserable bugger
He moans he's on night shift blah blah blah feel guilty do what he wants
I don't REALLY mind as such but at the moment I have a million things I want to get done. I want to go to get some weed killer for the garden, dust, go shopping for food (total Mother Hubbard situation in the kitchen), I want to watch True Blood (The accents are giving him a headache...)
It makes me realise that in some way my life isn't really my own anymore.
This is particularly poignant with my recent quest to revive my writing career. There are so many things that could hold me back, lack of contacts, money, needing somewhere to stay if I were to try and do an internship in London but the biggest thing that holds me back is my relationship and our house.
Now, don't get me wrong I would not give EITHER up for anything. I love my fiance and I love our house but it does make me have to turn down a lot of offers and chances.
Potentially there could be an argument on the horizon over money between us. If it gets to that point. I doubt it will as competition is fierce but I think it'll certainly put us to the test.
So, until that point I will mollycoddle him, make him copious amounts of tea and sacrifice not doing what I want on my weekend because he's really, really tired.
Eeeh, this sounds like a right old miserable entry but I have to point out that despite all this I know WHY he's doing it. He's doing it for us. He's doing it for our future and as grumpy as he is I really, really, really appreciate him for it.
:)
Pros
He gets to earn lots of pennies
I get the WHOLE bed to myself
I get to watch all the TV he doesn't like (BINTM, SATC and various other acronym loving shows)
We can guarantee that he isn't working during the days so we can have fun and frolics
Cons
He wakes me up coming in at 8am and invariably I cannot get back to sleep
I can't do anything I want to do during the day because of
He's a grumpy miserable bugger
He moans he's on night shift blah blah blah feel guilty do what he wants
I don't REALLY mind as such but at the moment I have a million things I want to get done. I want to go to get some weed killer for the garden, dust, go shopping for food (total Mother Hubbard situation in the kitchen), I want to watch True Blood (The accents are giving him a headache...)
It makes me realise that in some way my life isn't really my own anymore.
This is particularly poignant with my recent quest to revive my writing career. There are so many things that could hold me back, lack of contacts, money, needing somewhere to stay if I were to try and do an internship in London but the biggest thing that holds me back is my relationship and our house.
Now, don't get me wrong I would not give EITHER up for anything. I love my fiance and I love our house but it does make me have to turn down a lot of offers and chances.
Potentially there could be an argument on the horizon over money between us. If it gets to that point. I doubt it will as competition is fierce but I think it'll certainly put us to the test.
So, until that point I will mollycoddle him, make him copious amounts of tea and sacrifice not doing what I want on my weekend because he's really, really tired.
Eeeh, this sounds like a right old miserable entry but I have to point out that despite all this I know WHY he's doing it. He's doing it for us. He's doing it for our future and as grumpy as he is I really, really, really appreciate him for it.
:)
Thursday 18 August 2011
It's all a question of balance...
Life is all about balance. You balance your money, you balance your relationships, you balance work and play, you balance everything.
Balance at the moment is something I'm finding could be a problem in the months to come.
I have a very busy life. I don't have millions of friends, I don't have loads of extra activities I do but day to day living, even without having any kids or anything, I don't have enough hours in the day.
At the moment I have a full time job which I really enjoy but I find incredibly stressful and soul-destroying at times, I have a fiance who I love to pieces but does tend to need caring for and entertaining, I have a dream to ressurect a once promising, and now ailing, writing/journalism career, I have a new house which I'm slowly but surely trying to get just right... and that's even before I start to organise a wedding.
So my question to you is this, how do you prioritise things in your life when they are all as important as each other?
Take my home for example. My home is my castle (ok, slight bastardisation on a saying there but it works for this context). I want it to be somewhere I can come home, kick back and relax. It's almost there but the teeny weeny little things that make it home are either a) going to cost me money or b) take time to do. When do I do all this? At the weekend?
Then there's my ailing writing career. It was once my only goal in life to be a journalist or reporter. Everything else meant nothing to me, to the point I never thought I'd meet anybody or even get married. I thought I'd move back to London get a job and be editor of my own magazine within three years. Life hasn't worked out like that but things recently have made me realise I shouldn't ever give up on that dream. In fact someone showed me the last few days that an opportunity can come along when you least expect it...
My job, well, as I mentioned I love it but it's stressful, it's time consuming and, lastly, it's moving. I currently have about an hour's commute in the morning but the majority of that is sat at the train station waiting for my connecting train drinking a latte and tweeting. It's about 10 miles from my house and close to the station. Next year we're moving offices two counties away and turning my hour and a half commute into a three an half hour commute. This could either be super beneficial (Time on the train to write, to plan etc) or super soul-detroying (My fiance works shifts including every other weekend so less time with him, it's WAY more expensive and will make my weekly commute almost 20 hours.
So how do you prioritise things? Where can I trim stuff out of my life to make things more simple? Maybe, I should listen to my words here and go and do something to make my day a little less busy....
Balance at the moment is something I'm finding could be a problem in the months to come.
I have a very busy life. I don't have millions of friends, I don't have loads of extra activities I do but day to day living, even without having any kids or anything, I don't have enough hours in the day.
At the moment I have a full time job which I really enjoy but I find incredibly stressful and soul-destroying at times, I have a fiance who I love to pieces but does tend to need caring for and entertaining, I have a dream to ressurect a once promising, and now ailing, writing/journalism career, I have a new house which I'm slowly but surely trying to get just right... and that's even before I start to organise a wedding.
So my question to you is this, how do you prioritise things in your life when they are all as important as each other?
Take my home for example. My home is my castle (ok, slight bastardisation on a saying there but it works for this context). I want it to be somewhere I can come home, kick back and relax. It's almost there but the teeny weeny little things that make it home are either a) going to cost me money or b) take time to do. When do I do all this? At the weekend?
Then there's my ailing writing career. It was once my only goal in life to be a journalist or reporter. Everything else meant nothing to me, to the point I never thought I'd meet anybody or even get married. I thought I'd move back to London get a job and be editor of my own magazine within three years. Life hasn't worked out like that but things recently have made me realise I shouldn't ever give up on that dream. In fact someone showed me the last few days that an opportunity can come along when you least expect it...
My job, well, as I mentioned I love it but it's stressful, it's time consuming and, lastly, it's moving. I currently have about an hour's commute in the morning but the majority of that is sat at the train station waiting for my connecting train drinking a latte and tweeting. It's about 10 miles from my house and close to the station. Next year we're moving offices two counties away and turning my hour and a half commute into a three an half hour commute. This could either be super beneficial (Time on the train to write, to plan etc) or super soul-detroying (My fiance works shifts including every other weekend so less time with him, it's WAY more expensive and will make my weekly commute almost 20 hours.
So how do you prioritise things? Where can I trim stuff out of my life to make things more simple? Maybe, I should listen to my words here and go and do something to make my day a little less busy....
Tuesday 16 August 2011
The Odd Couple
So G and I have been living in our house for over a month now. He was away working for a couple of weeks just after we moved in so it's only about now that we are starting to "settle in".
G and I have lived together pretty much solidly since we got together. About three months into our relationship, I was living with my dad at the time, he came and stayed for a month. Then when my dad decided to move in with his girlfriend I went to live (rent free, Oh I miss that!) with his dad.
G is a real homebody and has never lived away from home before and when we lived with his dad he was super house proud.
Me, I'd lived away from home and am utterly renown for leaving stuff everywhere. I'm usually super messy and super cluttered. If it can be done tomorrow I'll do it the day after kind of thing.
Wow, that's certainly different now.
He's been off work the last couple of days and whilst he was away I got myself into a real routine. Every morning I'll open all the curtains, put away the washing up that had been left to dry over night, maybe even put a laundry load on, change the bed on Saturday.
I came home yesterday to find all the curtains shut, he's sat in his pants and he turned around and asked me what we were having for dinner tonight.
Eeep!
Luckily he put his clothes on and opened the curtains and we ordered Chinese. However it begs the question of how much of his "house proudness" was actually just his dad cleaning up after him.
I think the moment my doubts started was after we moved in he decided to do some washing. He put his clothes in, set the washing machine and as he hung them out started moaning about how they smelt damp and mouldy.
We had only just moved in and I asked him had he checked to see if the washing machine needed cleaning and if he had used fabric softener...he then asked me what fabric softener was!
Don't get me wrong I never expected him to be a super clean neat freak (I doubt I'd love him as much if he was) but I imagine it'll be like training a puppy. A long lengthy process and he might pee on the carpet a couple of times.
So, wish me luck... not only am I the Anti-Bride but now I'm the Anti-Housewife as well.... I'll keep you posted on any new tricks he learns...
G and I have lived together pretty much solidly since we got together. About three months into our relationship, I was living with my dad at the time, he came and stayed for a month. Then when my dad decided to move in with his girlfriend I went to live (rent free, Oh I miss that!) with his dad.
G is a real homebody and has never lived away from home before and when we lived with his dad he was super house proud.
Me, I'd lived away from home and am utterly renown for leaving stuff everywhere. I'm usually super messy and super cluttered. If it can be done tomorrow I'll do it the day after kind of thing.
Wow, that's certainly different now.
He's been off work the last couple of days and whilst he was away I got myself into a real routine. Every morning I'll open all the curtains, put away the washing up that had been left to dry over night, maybe even put a laundry load on, change the bed on Saturday.
I came home yesterday to find all the curtains shut, he's sat in his pants and he turned around and asked me what we were having for dinner tonight.
Eeep!
Luckily he put his clothes on and opened the curtains and we ordered Chinese. However it begs the question of how much of his "house proudness" was actually just his dad cleaning up after him.
I think the moment my doubts started was after we moved in he decided to do some washing. He put his clothes in, set the washing machine and as he hung them out started moaning about how they smelt damp and mouldy.
We had only just moved in and I asked him had he checked to see if the washing machine needed cleaning and if he had used fabric softener...he then asked me what fabric softener was!
Don't get me wrong I never expected him to be a super clean neat freak (I doubt I'd love him as much if he was) but I imagine it'll be like training a puppy. A long lengthy process and he might pee on the carpet a couple of times.
So, wish me luck... not only am I the Anti-Bride but now I'm the Anti-Housewife as well.... I'll keep you posted on any new tricks he learns...
Friday 12 August 2011
In the words of Paul McCartney.. Live and let dye?
As you can probably imagine for someone who has never been to fussed about weddings and being a bride, I'm quite low maintenance. An off-shoot of that is (or at least I like to think so!) that I am not vain in the slightest.
Don't get me wrong I love getting glamed up for a night out, I have a Mac make up collection to rival any make up artist and I have my obligatory GHDs. But on a daily basis my routine involves rolling out of bed about 10/15 minutes before I leave the house. Wash, brush my teeth, pick out clean clothes and leave... I don't even brush my hair until I get to work... sometimes I don't even brush it actually (*guilty face*).
However I am genetically predisposed to something, something that has been slowly creeping its way into my hairline since the age of 16.
My mum, god bless her soul, had high cheekbones, gorgeous skin, youthful looks and a fast metabolism, the majority of which I inherited. The one legacy I also inherited (along with my sister) is the grey gene.
Yes, I've slowly been going grey since I was 16.
It's not hugely bad, I don't have to dye my hair JUST yet and it's mostly concentrated layers down around my temples but it leaves me with a big issue.
To dye or not to dye, that is the question? I have always avoided dying my beautiful brown hair since I was younger, it's got shades of blonde and red and in the sun it goes all twinkly. However I'm not certain it will be the same in 12 months time or whenever we decide to get married.
The colour seems to be slowly seeping out, it's getting duller and flatter, harder to style (when I do bother) and generally being a bit meh.
Now why don't I just dye it you say? Well, apart from what I mentioned before I dont' want to get in the cycle my sister is in.
She's being dying her hair since she was about 21 (I'm 25) and she either ends up with horrifically ginger hair when she home dyes, ends up looking like Pepe La Peu when she can't get time to go to the salon (think white stripe down the middle of your head) or she ends up having to pay £100s each year just to look "normal". It's been like this for about 23 years.
So, for now, I will stay away from the dye. Pull out the rascally white hairs if they rise to the surface and try my best to reverse the effects of ageing. I think maybe three months beforehand I will have to revist this before I make my choice.
Don't get me wrong I love getting glamed up for a night out, I have a Mac make up collection to rival any make up artist and I have my obligatory GHDs. But on a daily basis my routine involves rolling out of bed about 10/15 minutes before I leave the house. Wash, brush my teeth, pick out clean clothes and leave... I don't even brush my hair until I get to work... sometimes I don't even brush it actually (*guilty face*).
However I am genetically predisposed to something, something that has been slowly creeping its way into my hairline since the age of 16.
My mum, god bless her soul, had high cheekbones, gorgeous skin, youthful looks and a fast metabolism, the majority of which I inherited. The one legacy I also inherited (along with my sister) is the grey gene.
Yes, I've slowly been going grey since I was 16.
It's not hugely bad, I don't have to dye my hair JUST yet and it's mostly concentrated layers down around my temples but it leaves me with a big issue.
To dye or not to dye, that is the question? I have always avoided dying my beautiful brown hair since I was younger, it's got shades of blonde and red and in the sun it goes all twinkly. However I'm not certain it will be the same in 12 months time or whenever we decide to get married.
The colour seems to be slowly seeping out, it's getting duller and flatter, harder to style (when I do bother) and generally being a bit meh.
Now why don't I just dye it you say? Well, apart from what I mentioned before I dont' want to get in the cycle my sister is in.
She's being dying her hair since she was about 21 (I'm 25) and she either ends up with horrifically ginger hair when she home dyes, ends up looking like Pepe La Peu when she can't get time to go to the salon (think white stripe down the middle of your head) or she ends up having to pay £100s each year just to look "normal". It's been like this for about 23 years.
So, for now, I will stay away from the dye. Pull out the rascally white hairs if they rise to the surface and try my best to reverse the effects of ageing. I think maybe three months beforehand I will have to revist this before I make my choice.
Thursday 11 August 2011
"Erm... you know you said you'd marry me...?"
So, as I mentioned in my first post, my fiance and I decided to wait until we were settled in our new house before we would start making plans.
My fiance is *THE* greatest. I have never met anybody who can make me laugh as much as him. I don't even mind that on our first date we both got really drunk, he puked up half a bottle of Sailor Jerry's I fed him on my carpet and then ended up sleeping on my dad's couch, in fact it totally endeared me to him.
The thing is he's what you'd call a "simple man" (No I don't mean he's thick!) with simple needs.
In true random G style, all the wedding is to him is that bit of paper that says we're married. He's not religious and isn't really bothered about what "God" were to think, he's not too fussed about making a show about our love because he's quite private about that and he doesn't drink as much as he used to so the stag nights not even that important.
He's basically said we'll "do it on the cheap" and not "take any money from your dad". Now normally I'd be inclined to agree with this but over the last 12 months my eye has started to be drawn to frilly things. Four Weddings is now a MUST SEE programme instead of Newsnight.. and Don't Tell The Bride... well, that gives me nightmares now.
So last night I decided to bring up the subject of "Can we start organising now?" It seems SO stupid that I would feel embarrassed and shy to talk about something that he's already agreed to... but I did and he said that it's fine.
Unfortunatley he's given me the following points:
Try not to spend over £500 (Erm, the average UK wedding now costs around £25,000!) though I believe this may be a joke,
NO CHURCHES,
Preferably get the buffet food from Iceland,
Can't be in the summer because he'll get all sweaty,
Possibility of him wearing a Buzz Lightyear Suit for the ceremony,
He won't be doing any speeches...
He then went on to reaffirm the point that this was "my day" and he was just there to awkwardly do his non-smile (honestly it's ruined friends wedding snaps) and make sure he can carry me home at the end of it (due to excessive amounts of champagne I'd imagine?)
But the thing is it's not just "my day". I am a bit of an attention seeker I admit but at the same time when the spotlight is on me I then flee like fat kid from a Weight Watchers meeting.
I think it's going to have to be a case of easing him into it. Making it seem like he's making decisions and then listening to him thoroughly when he does object to something. I haven't necessarily ever been particularly interested in weddings but my way of thinking is that I'm only going to do this once so I might as well make the most of it.
So, I've been told I can start planning with no budget really set, no indiccation of dates I can do or anything... this should be easy..
My fiance is *THE* greatest. I have never met anybody who can make me laugh as much as him. I don't even mind that on our first date we both got really drunk, he puked up half a bottle of Sailor Jerry's I fed him on my carpet and then ended up sleeping on my dad's couch, in fact it totally endeared me to him.
The thing is he's what you'd call a "simple man" (No I don't mean he's thick!) with simple needs.
In true random G style, all the wedding is to him is that bit of paper that says we're married. He's not religious and isn't really bothered about what "God" were to think, he's not too fussed about making a show about our love because he's quite private about that and he doesn't drink as much as he used to so the stag nights not even that important.
He's basically said we'll "do it on the cheap" and not "take any money from your dad". Now normally I'd be inclined to agree with this but over the last 12 months my eye has started to be drawn to frilly things. Four Weddings is now a MUST SEE programme instead of Newsnight.. and Don't Tell The Bride... well, that gives me nightmares now.
So last night I decided to bring up the subject of "Can we start organising now?" It seems SO stupid that I would feel embarrassed and shy to talk about something that he's already agreed to... but I did and he said that it's fine.
Unfortunatley he's given me the following points:
Try not to spend over £500 (Erm, the average UK wedding now costs around £25,000!) though I believe this may be a joke,
NO CHURCHES,
Preferably get the buffet food from Iceland,
Can't be in the summer because he'll get all sweaty,
Possibility of him wearing a Buzz Lightyear Suit for the ceremony,
He won't be doing any speeches...
He then went on to reaffirm the point that this was "my day" and he was just there to awkwardly do his non-smile (honestly it's ruined friends wedding snaps) and make sure he can carry me home at the end of it (due to excessive amounts of champagne I'd imagine?)
But the thing is it's not just "my day". I am a bit of an attention seeker I admit but at the same time when the spotlight is on me I then flee like fat kid from a Weight Watchers meeting.
I think it's going to have to be a case of easing him into it. Making it seem like he's making decisions and then listening to him thoroughly when he does object to something. I haven't necessarily ever been particularly interested in weddings but my way of thinking is that I'm only going to do this once so I might as well make the most of it.
So, I've been told I can start planning with no budget really set, no indiccation of dates I can do or anything... this should be easy..
Wednesday 10 August 2011
The Anti-Bride Chronicles
In the beginning there was a proposal...
We're talking a beach, at night, just me, him.... a few teenagers eating Happy Meals in the dark total romance.
My heart fluttered, I swooned, I was the happiest girl on earth and then the realisation sank in....
I had to be a bride.
I had to spend 12 months of my life going slowly crazy over wedding invites, lacey things, a dress I'd only ever wear once and possibly turn into a nagging creature my boyfriend (now fiance) would end up regretting.
Oh pants...
We were lucky though. Down on our luck and saving for a house the decision was taken by my beau and I that until we had purchased the house of our dreams (which in this economic climate seemed unlikely) we would put the actual nuptials on the back burner for now.
That was September 2010.
It's now August 2011 and I am sat here writing this at our dining room table, snug and settled into our new house.
So it begins, I've been given the go ahead to start organising and I'm terrified.
I have never been a girly girl, I've never dreamed of my white wedding dress or the perfect man with the perfect wedding, with the perfect cake. As a matter of fact I've openly mocked these women.
So join me on my journey from the initial preparations (ie. preventing my husband to be from getting any facial tattoos) to the tiny details (The Anti-Bride Visits the Scarily Expensive Cosmetic Dentist). It won't be long before the big day...Argh!
We're talking a beach, at night, just me, him.... a few teenagers eating Happy Meals in the dark total romance.
My heart fluttered, I swooned, I was the happiest girl on earth and then the realisation sank in....
I had to be a bride.
I had to spend 12 months of my life going slowly crazy over wedding invites, lacey things, a dress I'd only ever wear once and possibly turn into a nagging creature my boyfriend (now fiance) would end up regretting.
Oh pants...
We were lucky though. Down on our luck and saving for a house the decision was taken by my beau and I that until we had purchased the house of our dreams (which in this economic climate seemed unlikely) we would put the actual nuptials on the back burner for now.
That was September 2010.
It's now August 2011 and I am sat here writing this at our dining room table, snug and settled into our new house.
So it begins, I've been given the go ahead to start organising and I'm terrified.
I have never been a girly girl, I've never dreamed of my white wedding dress or the perfect man with the perfect wedding, with the perfect cake. As a matter of fact I've openly mocked these women.
So join me on my journey from the initial preparations (ie. preventing my husband to be from getting any facial tattoos) to the tiny details (The Anti-Bride Visits the Scarily Expensive Cosmetic Dentist). It won't be long before the big day...Argh!
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